Amiable TV

Some months ago I suggested to some people that Ice Ice Baby was ripe for re-evaluation as a great song. (This was before all the Jedward/Halifax nonsense, which obviously doesn't count.) The people in question were sceptical -- sceptical to the degree that next time I saw them they brought up their scepticism again. So the fact that this week's episode of Glee started with the rehabilitation of Ice Ice Baby, properly, with dancing, makes me feel all vindicated: as usual, I am so ahead of the curve. Therefore I think I am allowed to do a very self-indulgent post in which I pick out some songs they ought to do in a UK-based episode called Gluk, or maybe What the Gluk?! since it's not really about subtlety -- I'm envisaging something along the lines of that Friends episode where they all went to London and Joey met the Duchess of York.

First has to be those sinister pointy-faced boys from Bros, I think with I Owe You Nothing (though When Will I Be Famous? might fit a Glee storyline better). This song should be played to people who complain about the recent prevalence of autotune in pop.


Definitely something by Robert Palmer, probably Bad Case of Loving You. No autotune required:


Certainly some Adam Ant. Prince Charming would seem the most obvious, with its message that Ridicule is Nothing to be Scared Of, but I think I'd prefer the Dandy Highwayman:


There ought to be something sixties, probably by the Beatles, but my favourite Beatles song is Happiness is a Warm Gun, and you couldn't really fit that into a US high-school drama without some pretty ungleeful storylines. So I think it has to be either Help! (excellent Ringo video) or Twist and Shout:


Definitely some George Michael, probably Faith (embedding disabled by request). And there has to be something modern too, perhaps Dizzee Rascal's Dance Wiv Me. Probably also some guesting chirpy cockneys doing Blur's Parklife.

There are also some American songs I'd really like to see them do, but given that they've already done Color Me Badd's I Wanna Sexx You Up, Bel Biv Devoe's (That Girl Is) Poison, and MC Hammer's You Can't Touch This, they can probably be relied upon to put at least some of these in: Offspring, Pretty Fly (For a White Guy); Backstreet Boys, Everybody (here is what should have been the official video); Meatloaf, I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That); Enrique Iglesias, Ping Pong Song (Do You Know What It Feels Like), and Jermaine Stewart, (We Don't Have To Take Our) Clothes Off (To Have A Good Time, Oh Yeah):

(That's a great video: Jermaine Stewart must have been some of the inspiration for Andre 2000, and I love the bit at the end where he won't even let her take his hat off.)

But I'm disappointed that they jettisoned Tina's stammer without taking advantage of this song by Scatman John, which I seem to remember really annoyed everyone I ever played it to when it came out in 1995. When it comes to ways of beating a profound stammer, releasing a ridiculously catchy sub-jazz pop single and becoming a huge hit in Europe and Japan is pretty classy, especially if you look like a 1960s bank manager:

It's a scooby dooby dooby, scooby dooby melody!